It's been a while since i wrote anything. Thought I'd better. It seems that I haven't had a downer for a bit...start of a new me???
Probably not!..ever the optimist...lol
How've things been?...manic really.
Started back to work....havin lost my car n then my job...I got my job back plus a vehicle plus more hours plus a pay rise...cant be bad huh? So nice to be appreciated.
However down side of havin more hours....less time to myself. Even less time to spend with small child. Not good. Specially as their waste of space bio donor is lookin for a perfect excuse to haul my ass into court again on the flimsiest excuse for a custody battle...bring it on!!!!
I'm gonna talk bout waste of space for a moment.
He's a cunt!
There...lol...no seriously he fucks me off more than anything in my life...and that's saying something as usually most things fuck me off one way or another.
He wasn't around...ever. I caught him cheating on me when small child was only a few weeks old...and I CANNOT bring myself to forgive and forget.
I know part of the problem is anger with myself for being so fucking gullible. He was travelling from one end of the country..having relocated me n small child to the opposite end (and had the audacity to say id taken small child away...he moved us ffs).
Why couldn't I have listened to the common sense side of me that said he was a twat....instead of thinkin that he'd come round to my way of thinkin and us be a family?
Oh well...that was bad enuf...but to then find he'd been playin away...and to find out over the fone with him laffin at me down it was just too much. I can honestly say that I wanted to pull the fucker thru the fone and rip his heart out and piss on it whilst he shut down in front of me.(It was such a nice image!.I'm sure images like that are gonna get me into a whole heap of trouble....like I care?!:> I have to be honest, when it comes to that cunt I don't give a fuck about much...'cept that if he keeps fuckin me over he's gonna need more than God to help him!!!!....no threats...just promises.
and guess what?
Years later and I don't feel no different. In fact I feel even more hatred for the cunt than I did previous.
They reckon that mothers have a protective instinct inbuilt. I think mine has mutated!
He's trawled me thru the courts for access and all that bollox. And due to the fuckin wankers that call themselves Fathers for Justice or whatever it was that they were called, the courts bowed to political pressure and gave the prick everything he wanted. I cant even take my own child out of the country on holiday for more than 4 weeks of the year. And they live with me and have done all their life. He wasn't even on the birth certificate and we sure as hell weren't fucking married...not even living together,in actual fact we'd split when I learned I was pregnant.
All he is doing is using small child to get back at me....he doesn't even have the backbone to deal with me one on one. Mind you ...no change there!
Ok...I've managed to work myself into psychopathic state now. I'm so glad he doesn't live near by.
I hate the way he makes me feel. I hate the way I allow myself to feel this way about something with less importance than a piece of scum floating on bathwater surface.
My partner even had the fucking nerve to ask me if I wanted to get back with him....(I can forgive him...ONCE!!!!)
You know what really fucks me off?....its the fact that he doesn't give a fuck about small child....take bank holidays for example. He without fail rings up to come up with a way of gettin out of the bank holiday visit...be it a later visit or an excuse not to visit ...coz he doesn't like the drive. AAAAW!!!!
Personally I hope that he wraps his car around the nearest crash barrier on the motorway on the way up! (without hurtin anyone else though!)
Where is his concern for small child? Where is the doing it for them? Where is the moving heaven and earth to make small child happy and to just be with them?
What adds insult to injury is the fact that he refuses to help with the costs. He pays maintenance (for what its worth..it doesn't even cover their toiletries let alone anything else)...but he has his maintenance reduced due to the fact that small child is there for x number of nights a year and he also claims travelling costs etc back so the maintenance is reduced for that too.
Having asked him to contribute to half the costs for school etc....I got laffed at for my efforts.
And every time I try to exert some control over things....I end up back in court.
I fucking hate the British justice system....its soooo fucking wrong.
If I thought I would get away with it I would have the fucker done over...but I know I wouldn't. I'd end up in shit for that too.
I was in a good mood....now I'm not.
Maybe I shouldn't have blogged today. Yeah well a problem shared...
;)